One of the easier games of 'Would you rather' we've ever played: the pristine ten acres of Eilean Loch Oscair, or a corner of SW11 in which to keep your old boxes of stuff.
I am very lucky to own some of a house in London. Myself and my business partner, whom you might know as HSBC, managed to scrape together enough money (mostly theirs) to purchase a leasehold property in Bermondsey. There is comfort in having your own place. But that comfort is always eroded by the knowledge that it was too expensive and the guilt of knowing others are not so fortunate. I do not seek sympathy, only understanding.
That sense of guilt, horror and ‘being thoroughly ripped off’ is never more acute than when I see something like this.
That is a pair of garages in Lavender Hill, near Clapham Junction, that are for sale for £140,000 with Foxtons. That is 262sq ft of space, that you cannot (realistically) live in. £603 per square foot. They are not even nice garages. They are not even in central London (despite what the listing might have you believe). That is about what my house (which has two-bedrooms and a garden and a parking space) cost some 20 years ago.
It is easy to despair. No amount of saving or scrimping can compete with that kind of property inflation. What chance do young people have? Is it even a case of ‘young people’ any more? Very few of my friends own their own homes, and I am 32 years old.
The obtuse answer to this complaint usually veers one of two ways. Either we are told to ‘simply stop enjoying luxuries like holidays and avocados and takeaways’ so that we can afford a house (debunked above). Or we are told to simply go live somewhere else.
Fine. Let’s imagine that the entire of the UK economy and its businesses aren’t ruthless focuses towards the nation’s capital. With my £140,000 I am going to turn down the chance to buy two grim garages in Clapham and I am going to buy this island in Scotland instead. And with the change, I will build myself a log cabin on it, where I will continue writing articles about how expensive houses in London are. But I will do it not surrounded by pigeons and filth, but rather seals and scenery.
Something resembling a structure here by the jetty. Whack a roof on that, hotspot off your phone, and you’re good to go.
The island is called Eilean Loch Oscair and it lies off the north-west coast of the Island of Lismore with the Firth of Lorne. It’s about 10 acres in size. You will need a boat to get there, but it is not very far.
Here are some pictures of seals.
They are quite well camouflaged against the seaweed aren’t they, the seals.
Do seals dream of inflationary property prices? The Philip K Dick novel we never knew we needed.
If you are still unsure about which to buy, the garages or the seal-slathered Scottish Island, then consider the following hypothetical situation. You are at the pub, or a dinner party, and the person sat to your right owns the island, and the person on your left owns the garages. Who would you rather talk to?
I thought so.
James Fisher is the deputy digital editor of countrylife.co.uk. He lives in London and is not often invited to parties.
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