Given the choice, where would you build a castle? On a dazzling clifftop? A remote stretch of moorland? Beside a harbour in the centre of a town? A top a hill in an ancient landscape filled with legend and magic?
You probably wouldn't choose a plot beside a dual carriageway, next to a modern housing estate. Then again, the aforementioned castles would need the deepest pockets imaginable. The castle we're looking at today, Beaubush Castle — which is coming up for auction in two weeks — has a guide price of just £1 million, a sum which doesn't buy much in a well-located spot in West Sussex.
The story of Beaubush is something of a sad tale, the sort of thing you'd expect of a slightly depressing episode of Grand Designs. As reported by Sussex Live, Wojciech Szajna and his wife bought what was once Beaubush Cottage as a family home, knocked it down, and erected the castle you see on this page today, situated right beside the A264 dual carriageway on the outskirts of Crawley.
You have to admit that the Szajnas really went to down with their design: this is a grand, eye-catching and rather handsome miniature castle, complete with battlements, a huge ballroom and exotic striped brickwork.
Inside there is more good news. Many of the rooms have been well-decorated and furnished, with exotic wallpaper, chandeliers and a gym, as well as a separate annexe.
It might not be what you expect, but what's wrong with that? It's this sort of whimsy that we, as a nation, love, whether it be in the form of a Georgian-style folly, a clifftop beach house or an unashamedly Disneyfied suburban semi. In fact, exactly the same arguments could be made for this house as applied to the Headington Shark House which we featured last week.
As the full suite of pictures and walkthrough video on the auctionhouselondon.co.uk website show, the project was never quite finished. Beaubush has been on and off the market at various prices in the last couple of years, but no buyer has been found, and it's now being auctioned off by order of the LPA Receivers at what is ostensibly a bargain price for huge home.
But before you start planning who to put in which of the 11 bedrooms, or start researching schools in Crawley, there's a slight hitch: permission was granted for the building of a house with Beaubush Castle's layout... but the building is apparently 4m too high, so whoever buys the place will have to do some serious legwork to get the council planning officers on side.
Let's hope they do, because it'd be a shame for there not to be a happier next chapter in this most unusual of stories. Even if it wasn't kept as a house, it could make a wonderful office, nursery setting or something else — again, once the right permission is in place.
The auction featuring Beaubush Castle — aka Beaubush Cottage — takes place on 12/13 Feburary. Best of luck to all involved, both before and (especially) after the hammer comes down.
Quiz of the Day
1) Which leader was assassinated by her own bodyguards in 1984?
2) The moons Miranda, Ariel, Umbriel, Titania and Oberon orbit which planet?
3) What is the name of cartoon dog Snoopy’s yellow-feathered sidekick?
4) Which American golfer shares the record for PGA Tour victories with Tiger Woods?
5) What is kept in a formicarium?
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Quiz answers
1) Indira Gandhi
2) Uranus
3) Woodstock
4) Sam Snead
5) Ants
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