With a familiar thud, a fat envelope lands on the mat – the higher the gsm, the louder the thud. I love weddings – all those popping waistcoats, church belters, wild dancers, weird relatives and wonderful hats – but my heart fills with dread when I tear open an envelope and a whole deck of cards tumbles out.
The wedding, yes, the breakfast, yes. The night before the wedding – hmm… Brunch, lunch and/or tea the day after the wedding – for goodness’ sake! All three and I curse romance in all its forms.
I like people very much, both friends and strangers, talking to them, eating with them, dancing with them, pinching cigarettes off them – all the usual wedding behaviours – but I’m no slave to love. The 12 labours of Hercules were a doddle compared to a summer full of three-day weddings.
When my parents were married, the form was a morning ceremony followed by Champagne and cake (a buffet lunch if you were lucky), then everybody scurried home early. Now, they go on into the evening, ending at midnight or shortly after in the civilised world, but have been known to last all night long – this, to me, is the optimum wedding formula, one stupendous day and night.
By all means, would-be-weds should arrange a get-together with family and close friends – it’s rare to have everybody in the same place – but don’t invite the whole blasted wedding party. My mother thinks I’m delightful, but even she doesn’t want to talk to me for 72 hours straight and what you may find charming and novel in my repartee one evening is sure to be repetitive the next.
Furthermore, what’s to prevent the embarrassment of not recognising one’s best bud of the night before, who has, confusingly, changed his/her clothes. The simple act of brushing one’s hair and taking off a cardie can confuse some men.
The horror of horrors is the do the day after. I have attended these events. To my shame, I’m enticed by the free food. The Sunday party is a casual affair, a barbecue or buffet. Those who attend are too tired to talk much. It usually rains. There isn’t enough seating. People hang around with friends because it’s less effort; they’d all rather be sleeping than scintillating.
During one such day-after-the-wedding lunch, I was found curled up in a bundle with two girlfriends, near the coats. That’s where all sensible people should be after a daylong shindig – in slumber or travelling somewhere where this will be possible, to recover bright and bushy-tailed for the next joyful celebration of love.
Annunciata Elwes (neé Walton) got married in June - read her blog about planning a day which definitely lasted just one day and night
The secret to a good wedding? More sincerity, less triviality
The secret of the classic country wedding is quality over quantity, says Giles Kime
Why morning dress is flattering, tasteful and essential for weddings
Whether you splash out or keep it simple, one thing you shouldn't compromise on is your wedding clothes – and morning
Credit: Alamy
Wedding myths debunked, and mysteries explained
Weddings are as chock full of myth and superstition as they are canapés and crazy relatives.
-
Some of the finest landscapes in the North of England with a 12-bedroom home attachedUpper House in Derbyshire shows why the Kinder landscape was worth fighting for.
-
The Great Gatsby, pugs and the Mitford sisters: Country Life Quiz of the Day, April 16, 2025Wednesday's quiz tests your knowledge on literature, National Parks and weird body parts.
-
From Vinted to Velázquez: The younger generations' appetite for antiques and Old MastersThe younger generations’ appetite for everything vintage bodes well for the future, says Huon Mallalieu, at a time when an extraordinary Old Masters collection is about to go under the hammer.
-
The five minute guide to 'The Great Gatsby', a century on from its publication'The Great Gatsby' sold poorly the year it was published, but, in the following century, it went on to become a cornerstone of world literature.
-
Shark tanks, crocodile lagoons, laser defences, and a subterranean shooting gallery — nothing is impossible when making the ultimate garageTo collectors, cars are more than just transport — they are works of art. And the buildings used to store them are starting to resemble galleries.
-
‘David Hockney 25’ at the Fondation Louis Vuitton: Britain’s most influential contemporary artist pops up in Paris to remind us all of the joys of springThe biggest-ever David Hockney show has opened inside the Fondation Louis Vuitton in Paris — in time for the season that the artist has become synonymous with.
-
Under the hammer: A pair of Van Cleef & Arpels earrings with an intriguing connection to Princess Grace of MonacoA pair of platinum, pearl and diamond earrings of the same design, maker and period as those commissioned for Grace Kelly’s wedding head to auction.
-
Why LOEWE decided to reimagine the teapot, 25 great designs overLoewe has commissioned 25 world-leading artists to design a teapot, in time for Salone del Mobile.
-
The brilliant Bugattis: Sculpture, silverware, furniture and the fastest cars in the worldA new exhibition at this year's Treasure House Fair will shine a light on the many talents of the Bugatti dynasty.
-
Big, bright and bold: Colourful luggage to inspire your next spring getawayIf RIMOWA's new 'Holiday' campaign is anything to go by, then conservative-coloured luggage is out and eye-catching is in.
