When I was four, my mother gave birth to my brother and my parents thought I’d accept him better if I could name him. However, my first choice didn’t seem to pass muster. At the time, I couldn’t understand why I had to call him something boring like Paul (the name eventually settled on) instead of Batman, which is what I really wanted.
Very sweet, I know, but why am I regaling you with stories from my childhood? This week, I discovered that had the situation happened now, I could have had my wish. Children’s names have been getting sillier for some time (not to mention even more ludicrously spelt which is a rant for another time) but a New Zealand couple surely take the biscuit.
Pat and Sheena Wheaton wanted to register their newborn as 4Real, but the NZ government have rejected it as the name contained a number. The couple say the name came to them after seeing the baby in an ultrasound scan and realising the child was ‘for real’. Calling him ‘For Real’ would have been acceptable, but the couple won’t hear of it as it doesn’t have the same ring. Ahem.
Although the baby will continue to be known as 4Real among the family, it’s the name they chose to put on the official documents that really cracks me up. I’d love to be in class when the register’s taken and the teacher has to ask if Superman Wheaton is present!
Then again, I’d love him to move to the US when he gets older and hook up with Nic Cage’s son. What room-mates they’d be: Superman Wheaton and Kal-el Cage? Perhaps that’s the answer?get them all to marry each other. Who wouldn’t like to officiate at those weddings? Do you Diva Thin Muffin Pigeon (only Frank Zappa could come up with a name like that?he also has a daughter called Moon Unit) take Satchel (son of Woody Allen)? How about ‘Do you Pilot Inspektor (the son of My Name is Earl’s Jason Lee) take Moxie CrimeFighter’ (the daughter of Penn Jillette, the talking half of Penn and Teller)? I’d do it for free.
Other favourite celebrity baby names include Dixie Dot (Anna Ryder Richardson), Nell Marmalade (Helen Baxendale), Daisy-Boo (Jamie Oliver), Betty Kitten (Jonathan Ross), all of the Geldofs (Peaches Honeyblossom, Fifi Trixibelle and Pixie (not forgetting Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily) and Princess Tiaamii (Jordan and Peter Andre).
Victoria Wood always claimed that if she was a proper celebrity, she’d have children called Pinky, Perky, Satsuma and Monosodium Glutamate. It’s only a matter of time before somebody does it?
Do you know of any corkers to add to my collection? Or any weird and wonderful spellings? Share them below.
