We all use our phones too much. The least we can do is agree on a set of rules for modern etiquette in a digital age.
1. Thou shalt not take thy iPad to bed
You’ll stay up too late, wake up too early and doom scroll too much.
2. Thou shalt not leave a voicemail
Seriously, it’s 2024. Nobody even knows how to listen to their voicemail anymore. Send a text or a WhatsApp message.
3. Thou shalt not have thy phone’s ringtone set to ‘loud’
Unless someone you love is in hospital or you’re outside in a storm awaiting your exam results.
4. Thou shalt not keep the television on when a guest is visiting
If you’re reading Country Life, you probably don’t need to be told this. However, it’s worth repeating anyway.
5. Thou shalt prefer sunshine to screen time
An exception can be made for vampires and those with skin conditions exacerbated by direct exposure to sunlight. Everyone else, go outside and touch some grass.
6. Thou shalt keep thy mobile device clean
Do we really need to spell out where you’ve been using it?
7. Thou shalt remember that a phone can be used to make voice calls
Bonus point for initiating those voice calls. But also, remember point 2.
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness about ‘being terrible with technology’
That nonsense might have washed in 1988, but not anymore. If you can tie your own shoelaces, you can use a mobile phone or a laptop
9. Thou shalt be patient when awaiting a reply to thy WhatsApp message
Just because the little blue ticks say it’s been read, doesn’t mean I have the time or headspace to reply within eight seconds
10. Thou shalt not consider thy voice assistant a meaningful relationship
If you’re calling out a woman’s name in the bedroom, it shouldn’t be ‘Alexa’. This applies even if they are actually called ‘Alexa’ — you don’t want the neighbours’ devices to be listening in at that particular moment
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