A is for Art-it’s hard to walk away from an evocative Rodger McPhail woodcock (Rountree Tryon Galleries stand), a sleek Hamish Mackie otter (Collier & Dobson) or a soulful Tania Still hound (Redspot)-and The Arundell Arms, the best pub in which to tell fishy tales
B is for the Countryside Alliance’s Lt Gen Sir Barney White-Spunner, who revels in frightening jobs-first he took on the Taliban, now it’s hunt saboteurs-and Bacon, of which about 8,000 rashers are eaten at breakfast
C is for Cordings and Cousins of Cheltenham, where the smart people dress, and Clarissa Dickson Wright, go-to woman on squirrel-cooking
D is for Country Life’s Debate, where we hope good humour and good sense will prevail (Game Fair Theatre, Friday, 2pm), and for the GWCT’s elegant and sensible chief executive Teresa Dent, who wildlife charities should consult more often
E is for Express Eventing, not one for horse-trials purists, but good fun all the same (main arena, Sunday, from 10am, when Equestrianism is the theme of the day), and Olympic shooting champion Peter Wilson’s E-Gamebook, a gizmo for game-book keepers
F is for Foxes, almost passé now in all the hoo-hah about badgers, Farlows of Pall Mall and world champion Fly-caster Hywel Morgan, who will be demonstrating his craft (Fishing Grandstand, Friday, 11.15am; Saturday, 10.30am; and Sunday, 1.30pm)
G is for Grouse butt, which you can learn to build on the Countryside Alliance stand, Gamekeepers’ Row, where the real men are, and Glamping, not that much of that goes on
H is for the Marquess of Hertford, our gracious host, dynamic CLA president Harry Cotterell, High Pheasants, which is what we aspire to, and the Hound parade, always an emotional sight
Iis for Irish Water Spaniel demonstration (Working Dog Ring, Saturday, 10.30am), Ivors Ice Cream and Indulgence, when fishing widows get their own back in the shops
J is for Jam, although traffic control wasn’t bad last time at Ragley
K is for Knitwear-look for upturned backsides peering into a bargain basket at the Woolovers stand
L is for Lurcher and Labrador, both of which will be in sandwich heaven, and the Law, which can be an ass in field sports-on Saturday, Antiques Roadshow firearms expert Bill Harriman will present ‘How to lose your shotgun certificate’ (Game Fair Theatre, 11.30am)
M is for MPs-Kate Hoey, Richard Benyon, Simon Hart, Huw Irranca-Davies, Jim Paice and Bill Wiggin earn countryside cred for attendance-Middle Way Group-hunting lobbyists, not motorway huggers-and Members of the CLA, who get to use the nice loos
N is for the National Organisation of Beaters, without whom a day’s shooting would be dull, and Neal’s Yard Dairy, which has an impressively eclectic cheese selection
O is for the heroic Owen Paterson, the only MP to have been brought up with a pet badger-you can hear his forthright views in the President’s Debate (Game Fair Theatre, Friday, 10.30am)-and for Over The Top, which is not a description of his policies, but a stand selling dog beds and car-seat covers
P is for Pimm’s, more than 6,000 pints of which will be consumed, Panama hat-useful protection against a lobster-like pate, especially after imbibing-coveted Purdey guns and real-live Pheasant chicks, which the GWCT promises to have on its stand
Q is for the new Baily’s Hunting Directory Quiz Book (£9.99), which features such crucial brainteasers as at what time of year was the medieval wolf-hunting season, and for searching Questions, which we hope will be asked of debate panellists
R is for Renewables Theatre, where experts will help you cut through the hot air, and The Really Wild Clothing Company stand, where you can enter a shooting competition to win a car or a Rolex
Sis for Sensible Shoes, a must if you’re to survive the day, Safari, a treat that can be booked from Aardvark or Magic Safari Lodges, and nearby Stratford-upon-Avon, for a cultural fix in the evening
T is for Tweed, acres and acres of it; even if it’s broiling hot, the assistants at Holland & Holland will look annoyingly cool in it
U is for Unmissable parties, which come all at once of a Friday evening, and Ultimate Ear Protection; not all shooters pretend to be deaf-some really are
V is for Venison: Pot Kiln pub proprietor Mike Robinson will show how to butcher and roast an entire roe deer (Cookery Demonstration Theatre, Saturday, 12pm)
W is for Waistcoat-there are natty ones at Moloh and Joules-Weather, which we pray will be clement this time, and for Well Hung and Tender’s saucily named Aberdeen Angus burger stand
X marks the spot where you thought your car was parked
Y is for Yoghurt Delights, which might be one of the least fattening things to eat
Z is for ZZZZZ, the warning sound from the back row of the debating theatre that signals someone is talking too much
The CLA Game Fair is at Ragley Hall, Alcester, Warwickshire, July 19-21 (0844 776 7777; www.gamefair.co.uk)
